Yesterday was hard. There were a lot of triggers.
I just buried myself in Books and research and writing. Some days are hard like that.They do get fewer and fewer in between, however. I was strong. I am strong. I just wish there were something magical way to make the hurt go away. I am the magician now and it’s up to me to only fix me. I am alone and I feel the aloneness.
I’m working on myself worth right now. And my therapist asked me to journal “who I am”. Seems easy enough right? Not so much, because it’s not who I was it’s who I am now. So I stare at my blank journal for a while, a lot of long whiles, actually. I know I’m resilient I know I’m funny I know I have a great laugh but then I stop it has to be more to me than that right. I know I’m at a place of becoming and I’m working hard at redefining myself! But I’m sure like all the other goals I’ve met with my therapist. This one will take some time too.
I think the hardest part yes who am I is without my son? There are some cruel things at work mean just downright evil things being said that are definitely not the truth.