Faith in Me, Hope for My Future & Love of My Life

Woke up at 5 AM. Abigail‘s alarm had been going off for some time – and it was time for me to get up to – I suppose! I need to get a few things done I’ve called Avni and Tracie that needed to be done. I need to unload the dishwasher and reload the dishwasher. Take a bath and clean myself find trash bags right make a letter. Bus to the area near Lowe’s. So I walked all the way to DES and got nowhere today but a blister on my foot 2 miles/4 miles round-trip for nothing! Well not for anything– I did get a nice walk and my address updated. I’m having a real hard time today with my stuff being in hiatus. As of right now I don’t believe I have insurance. Not according to the divorce paperwork. My husband as loving as he was almost 4 months ago has left me with nothing. And would seem I want to want nothing from me. For as angry as he is – just proves he is still in love with me. I know seems delusional but I did break his heart. I hurt him and Connor dearly. It seems I’m not fighting, but I am – the good fight! I’m not slinging stones, spitting at or being degrading.No that’s genuinely not my nature at all. Why am I know – same reason I’m still at sober living facility. I’m proving my point. I am not nor will I ever drink again. I got this and I have this! I am up and it’s 3:17 AM this is what happens if I don’t take my medication – insomnia to start. My meds are at not so “brand new life “. – that shit hole! Anyway, tomorrow I’ll have my medication. So, not too much harm or foul. I do not like not taking it.

I have been tossing and turning about Mike all night long. Between the arguments in my head to the crying of sadness. There is no sleep for the weary. I am definitely wary. Moneywise I think I have a plan. If I sell the TV, surround sound system, furniture I may get enough to pay my restitution in classes.

I have prayed all day long hands and knees – I walked 2 miles to the library to make copies for this nightmare I am in called a divorce from the person you love the most. I see his side but I just wish she would see anything positive when it came from me. I’m working so hard.

I’m sitting here with my thumb in my ass waiting to get paid so I can rent a car – I’m fucking believable. All night, morning now the damn afternoon it’s ridiculous actually! Truly frustrating to say the least! I’m going to lose my shit! I’m so tired of waiting! I try not to procrastinate but it’s hard when I have 20 million things to get done! Still waiting it’s 4:49 PM.