Day 110 August 4, 2022

So here I sit in a hotel room in Ashfork without a phone to get a ride anywhere. I need to get my shit together. I feel like I did when I moved to San Diego. Constantly helpless. If it wasn’t bad luck I’d have no luck is what my friends used to say to me. Then I met Mike and my whole world and perspective on the world got better. Bad things still happened but it was me and my conquering the world.You know God – you’ve made your point! I am not a survivor nor do I have survivor in stinks. I am feeling mercilessly. One thing, after one thing. After another. It shouldn’t be this way. Mike should have/is/has been helping – my God just a little help and I would be OK. I need to get my own shit together! Mike and I are over for now. I don’t know if there is hope and I need to get it together on my own or I will never see my son! I want to call Mike 1 million fucking names right now, but it won’t do any good I am here all alone –After another. It shouldn’t be this way. Mike should have/is/has been helping – my God just a little help and I would be OK.independence from Mike and his control freak nature – I have it now! So what am I going to do with it? First get the fuck out of this hotel get my phone my change of clothes and my Vape from Tracie call for a ride to Prescott and get back to me said get my things then get a ride to PV to the new house. All the while calling Lowe’s debt consolidation Chase Bank etc. – not to mention Vince an old friend of Michael’s who can give me some legal advice.. Because now the gloves are off he has an attorney that can now take what is it I need it from Mike by filing the right paperwork for me so I don’t seem so sad and desperate. I have faith in myself – I need to! My life balance is in limbo and I just can’t do this anymore. So let’s do this Shannon! So still no phone still no Tracie went to the tourist center museum and Ashfork and Debbie the volunteer running the museum Has been so helpful in helping me try to locate Tracie or my phone it’s starting to get late and I’m worried. If it gets late I’m incredibly screwed and walk to her grandpa’s house, the sheriffs department, made countless phone calls including Tracie’s aunt Faye. Yet no Tracie and no phone realizing she has my tennis shoes my pencil bag phone and Vape. I hope the sheriffs can help.

A deputy went looking for Tracie’s car off Bullock Road, but it wasn’t there. So I am on a assist, citizens assist ride to Sober Living in Preskett Valley. Somehow I need to make it back to get my stuff from Phoenix/Mesa, to get back up here! I’m literally screwed at the moment but I’m doing OK deputy Hawkins took me out of Ash Fork but has calls so another deputy will be taking me that rest of the way. The deputy is really nice. None of them will stop so I can get cigarettes. So I need to figure that out too! I feel so bad to go to this house today! Really bad! I’d be dropped off by a sheriff vehicle, Christ! But God dammit I can do this and get my shit taken care of! I know I can! I am strong! It all turned out good! I am here and I am safe happy and Lauren seem really great and so are their kids. They gave me some clothes to sleep in – thank God! My roommate seems pretty cool! I like her she’s nice. The house is really nice too! Michael probably be pissed off I am near, but I am not nor did I care right now! He is playing unfair right now – and I need to focus on me! I was way too scared in Phoenix and I didn’t like it I didn’t feel safe. I like it here at this house but I don’t feel safe here either. I need to get to somewhere where I feel safe.

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