I’m trying not to worry about my future just because I may have ruined my life. Trying to see the possibilities of being alone my whole life from now on. What will I do, where will I go, how the fuck would I get there. What things can make me happy? Because God would not give me this trouble if I couldn’t handle it. Well I am not doing well today. Today is one of those bad days. The kind of day I don’t want to be here, I know my family is better off without me. I’m sitting in an AA meeting like a fucking robot at this house. Even if I move I’m still a loser. I just want to go away from these feelings and they are misery Like my life but God thinks I could handle it or God thinks my punishment is equal to my crimes. I don’t know. I suppose I’ll write another letter I won’t send to Mike. It makes me feel better like I’m actually talking to him. I don’t know what to say to my son anymore. So all of this “over “Ness I’m over it! Really a.m. – I am so it’s strange for my son I don’t even know what to say to a 14-year-old boy! How can I call myself a mom if I can’t even know what to tell my son.
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