Faith in Me, Hope for My Future & Love of My Life

“We believe our one time good characters will be revived the moment we stop drinking alcohol “– anonymous

Good morning, Shannon! Happy 100th day sober today! Well no one knows no one’s here to celebrate with me I go to work today from 1:30 to 10:30 PM at Lowe’s.

I know I haven’t done it in a while but here goes my daily focus::

How am I feeling mentally today?

Missing my son so much

How am I feeling physically?

12 miles walking 2 miles riding Monday and 8 miles riding yesterday I feel pretty damn good!

How am I spiritually?

I haven’t prayed yet today, but I will most definitely

What are my goals for today?

Besides pray I need to get my phone turned back on and I need to figure out a car

What is an affirmation/gratitude/gratefulness?

I am grateful to be alive to have a roof over my head whether I like it here or not and to not be drinking

I’m doing good! As usual I’m sad about my son and Mike but I need to get my restitution paid off! So I’m going to try to pay $100 this week I need a car to get a second job hopefully I can accomplish this too.

It is all right in this house everyone is nice it’s just a shit hole! It’s pretty gross actually! I look forward to leaving! Yesterday I rode my bike 8 miles to Spero house to get my drivers license then 2 miles back to the 40 W. bus went to pawn shop and truly dumb dude told me my engagement ring was not a diamond – I will have to go back tomorrow and sort that out. I need a PO Box so I can at least get my mail! It’s not good my mail is being delivered to two different places! And I need to pick mail up! At least from Camelback. I should send a text to Lizzie and LAcy saying hello first and foremost! I seriously need to blog today! Don’t think I have any time to do so soon. I will try but we shall see. Need to go and get ready before morning meditation.

It’s 645 in time for morning meditation “to keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it “– mother Theresa meditation for the day each new beginning. Soon it will be 8 AM in time for the AA meeting at EDI. I’ve been going to the 8 AM meeting every morning since Monday I think that will be my meeting daily while I’m here since my shift is later in closing.

So Cassie joined Paul and I today at the AA meeting. This morning‘s topic was step one. Admitting powerlessness to alcohol. I realize that I always liked getting drunk since the first time I ever did it. I never really ever thought about this/it like that before but it is true there is truth that I love drinking – but it’s not good for me. As we’ve established throughout all my journal entries and this blog I have literally destroyed my life. It was a good meeting Isidro this older gentleman is pretty cool – she reminds me of my father. Stern, short, stout, opinionated, gentle, kind, sweet and generous. He gave me a ride home the other day – he didn’t have to but he saw me and came back around to pick me up that was incredibly nice. There are other people there that I’m slowly getting to know – they are very nice! So today I did the unthinkable upon my engagement ring. I need to pay rent and turn my phone back on I got $400 for it and I have 60 days to get it back at 500. Fuck – I mean really. This is really getting fucking hard and ridiculous. I don’t know what to do. Will Mike ever talk to me? Will he pay any alimony. We have her let me see my kid? I don’t know! He has never been like this so I am truly losing all hope! He’s taking my parents, our friends, everyone and everything from me. I literally have nothing. I pray for a break soon! Thank God for meditation and medication. I’m dying inside and out death of a marriage I never thought in 1 million years would end. I thought we had enough – enough love, enough passion, and a friendship. Never ever take anything For granted. For that matter love and cherish – never not honor your vows, because death do you part isn’t going to happen if you break dressed and don’t give respect. I mean I can’t expect trust or respect if I break that bond!