Day 86 July 12, 2022

I miss my loves. It is so very painful! Ghastly feeling in my whole body – I can’t read the fucking papers without anxiety so hi I am shaking. I started coloring again just to call myself. I’m going to email Mike. I’m going to ask he not sign those papers for a year. Just give me a year on his terms. I can do this. I bet he will agree – in my head begging – not in the email. He’s written me back before hopefully he will write me back again. I will pray again to Saint Jude and lady Guadalupe.

I had my first response or meeting. I met her on Sunday when I went out further to see a meeting. I felt I needed to because I truly cannot relate to the road to recovery meetings. I go because it’s close but it’s not my favorite. We must do five meetings a week so at least one is road to recovery! Sarah is awesome though for the first time I can relate to a sponsor. That’s important to find the right one – especially your first time around. My handwriting is everywhere but my anxiety is lessening just a little bit – slowly but writing helps – I love to write.

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