Day 83 July 8, 2022

Interview at Lowe’s at 1 PM will be late because I missed the bus I tried to watch TV I tried to listen to music 2 PM interview with Casa Grande trying to figure out my life and I can’t – it’s so bad. It didn’t have to be like this why couldn’t I drive a car? What really was the purpose? What really did he want from me? What did he really need or get out of me not driving? So is it a trust thing? – What was the point of it. He’s not talking to me so how am I supposed to know I couldn’t order furniture? I don’t trust him – and I didn’t want to!move into an apartment empty that’s just dumb!

The second interview went well I think – or I hope so anyway! I’m pretty excited about doing a coordinator position. I think I could be good at it

Lots of bad thoughts today! I love Mike so much and I don’t think I can believe or even live without his love! I know I cannot live without my gorgeous child – my beautiful wonderful boy! I need to sign up for IOP – just for an ROI. So I can hear anything from Mike. My heart is missing – my soul is lost I will never drink again – I know I think about it. I drink for so long how could I not. My heart and soul are missing. My brain is fuzzy my thoughts battle constantly exclamation why do I bother why do they wonder there are demons in my head I’m shattered and broken and destroyed I’m lost I don’t know what to do.

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