Day 79 July 5, 2022

Did a few blogs today. Did some interviews online. It was productive and got resumes out. Hopeful for jobs. Got a job offer but not as good as I thought. I did some reading on step 42. I decided I put it off long enough and I went to look at my divorce papers. What the fuck! My anxiety is now 8000 fold. I’m starting to really freak out irrevocable differences equals no possibility of reconciliation. My heart is broke. It makes me want to vomit as I read it. Over a fucking rental carDid a few blogs today. Did some interviews online. It was productive and got resumes out. Hopeful for jobs. Got a job offer but not as good as I thought. I did some reading on step 42. I decided I put it off long enough and I went to look at my divorce papers. What the fuck! My anxiety is now 8000 fold. I’m starting to really freak out irrevocable differences equals no possibility of reconciliation. My heart is broke. It makes me want to vomit as I read it. Over a fucking rental car! Fucking Camel Back Recovery Sober Living. Goddamnit! Doing exactly what Mike wanted me to do. Fucking losers! I am a damn loser! Fucking sucks! I’ve also removed all money saying there was no need for spousal support. I called I texted I emailed. The money pisses me off granite but not as upset I am as being not able to love him. No absolutely no visitation or custody of my beautiful son! My heart is so fucking broken. I’m so unbelievably sad! Wondering and I’m pacing took too much anxiety medication Shelley took me to the grocery store and I just I’m just crazy sad I’m just fucked up right now.

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