Day 78 July 4, 2022

What a shitty day. I know I haven’t been writing as consistently as I should, but I’ve been preoccupied by my blog – getting that written and posted I’m trying to catch up with them now and present on my blog. It is quite a daunting or seemingly daunting task. I don’t think anyone has read it yet… No one who knows me anyway. Well that’s for sure or it would get back to Mike. Five days ago maybe even six I don’t know I’ve been avoiding it. Mike served me with divorce papers. He signed them the day I got out of the hospital but put them into motion while I was still there on Monday, June 20 and signed the 21st. I was served last Tuesday on June 28, 2022. I haven’t been able to read them. I’ve tried but it just hurts my brain. I still send him text and even wrote him a letter but that will stop now July 1 is the last correspondence Mike will receive for me. It was really nice email, though or so I thought think it was nice. I’ve been using the bank account to pay bills and Mike finally figured out that I have been. I know he’s pissed but he can’t just cut me off. Well I think he thinks he can because he is. If you ever wanted a divorce I’m sure he wants it now surely he wants it now. I’ve been sad all weekend! I know my mom is in town well Preskett. I can just feel it. I had a dream about a text Dash “don’t start the party without me I have the cake“ well it was a dream. I bet my son had his birthday party this weekend my heart is beyond broken – another big mile stone I’ve missed. I’m mad at myself – but even mad at Mike for his piss poor way of handling the situation.Yes I admit fault – but he needs to admit some too! And reasonable bastard! Even saying it makes the guilt and sadness go away! If I ever wanted to be high after all these years I do now! Higher than a fucking kite!

He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Why do I still want that hypocritical asshole. Goddamn control freak! It’s like push pool from my brain. I want my family back I want him back, but I don’t.

The divorce papers are bad from what I’ve read. I mean really bad. I need to find an attorney or a lawyer. I don’t want to but that starts tomorrow. Wish me fucking luck with no money. I’m so sad I just took the third dose of pills I usually do not, but today I did! I need to set up and Genio for my prescriptions. I’ll do that tomorrow too. Happy depressing Fourth of July.

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