Day 59 June 15, 2022

I slept about 5 hours. Well I’m pretty looped out of my mind! Four different anxiety medications seem to do the trick. I’m not so crazy upset and sad and depressed. 

Shannon’s Daily Focus 

How am I feeling mentally? 

Good, happier(numb) 

How my feeling physically? 

Good, I look adorable today 

How am I spiritually? 

Not praying – I need to! 

What are my goals for the day? 

Getting my computer – staying present 

Affirmation, Greatness, Gratitude? 

I actually have a tan. I am tan. I do like spray tans. 

So, I got a spray tan yesterday and I love it! I look awesome. I’m loving it! I have purple extensions in my hair too! Lacey is going to put purple streaks in my hair for my birthday! I’m doing better since I fell asleep with a broken heart meditation. It’s super long so I think it’s helping mentally? It’s subliminally working! I know it’s good! I don’t want to lose Mike and Connor but I need to focus on me I need to get my stuff done. I need to get my **** together. I know I will not want Mike back as I get through me. There is an excitement to be me again! I will succeed! 

To Dos for The Day 

  • WordPress 
  • Writing 
  • USPS (get a PO Box) 
  • A card to Mike, Tracie, and Avni 
  • Order a Television 
  • Call on apartments (make appointments to see) 
  • Purple hair dye 
  • Dry hair purple 
  • Get a trim 
  • Groupon more spray tans 
  • Set-up Lip Threading appointment 
  • Make waxing appointment 
  • Set-up appointment for more Botox 
  • Order vapes 

I miss my beautiful boy! I miss him! So FUCKING much! He is so handsome! Last night Tiara said in the highlight video I played how handsome Connor is. She said, “he looks and seems like he has a strong personality.” – he sure does. I’m glad someone, I hope everyone, sees that! He is so amazing! I just hope he knows it too. I hope I haven’t completely ruined him – Mike is making sure of that – “The Alcoholic” as Mike calls me. 

So there’s a meditation saying… The more you doubt, the more enlightenment – in life and in meditation. 

It leads to curiosity and learning. 

9:00 AM to 11:00 AM morning process group with Jennifer 

Say something fearful? 

I feel like I don’t miss my son like I should and I feel like I miss Mike more. I know that’s not true. I fear it though. 

Meditation with Darren 

Using the Calm app 

Gratitude was the meditation in my meditation I only thought and try to conscious and be and try to be with him in his mind! Telling him it’s OK I’m OK be with me – I’m relaxed I can just be! 

Yoga with Desiree 

I love her yoga and yoga makes me feel better I want to become a yoga instructor. 

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