Day 53 June 9, 2022

“Loving ourselves through the process of owning our story is the bravest thing we will ever do.” – Brene Brown

Slept 8.5 hours. Woke up later than usual and didn’t do much around the house here. Im just sad and depressed really. I wish it was a blank dayto set my heart and soul to. Alas but I can not. I don’t think this will ever change. I hold onto hope. I just dont think there is any hope left for me. I wish alot that I was youngerand made different choices. Life altering choices. The life altering choicesthat would have never foundmyself here. What seems like a nightmare of different treatment centers, one so it seems after the next. How long will this go on. When will Mike be done. Maybe if I didn’t feel so incarcerate, then I wouldn’t feel this way. No sad, not depressed all the time with out hope, a home, or a family. “It’s done keeps me unmotivatedand undeniably unwilling to want to actually be here. Art Therapy will be soon, hopefully, it gets me out of my funk for a fast minute!

My Daily Focus

How am I feeling mentally?

sad, depressed and lost

How am I feeling physically?

well slept

How am I feeling spiritually?


What are my goals for the day?

not much – get botox


Art class today

Just for today – June 9

“Lost dreams awaken and new possibilities arise.”

Basic Text, p. 88

Most of us had dreams when we were young. Whether we dreamed of a dynamic career, a large and loving family, or travels abroad, our dreams died when our addiction took hold. Anything we ever wanted for ourselves was cast away in our pursuit of drugs. Our dreams didn’t go beyond the next drug and the euphoria we hoped it would bring.

Now in recovery, we find a reason to hope that our lost dreams could still come true. No matter how old we are, how much our addiction has taken from us, or how unlikely it may seem, our freedom from active addiction gives us the freedom to pursue our ambitions. We may discover that we’re very talented at something, or find a hobby we love, or learn that continuing our education can bring remarkable rewards.

We used to put most of our energy into spinning excuses and rationalizations for our failures. Today, we go forward and make use of the many opportunities life presents to us. We may be amazed at what we’re capable of. With our foundation of recovery, success, fulfillment, and satisfaction are within our reach at last.

Just for today: Starting today, I’ll do whatever I can to realize my dreams.

12:30-2pm Art Therapy Art of the Soul with Brandon

What an amazing man and story, Brandon, the owner, of Art of the Soul had about how this dream of the art studio came to fluition. Art of the Soul is a trauma based art studio. Recovery, Treatment, and other Mental Health Facilities utize the studio with Brandon’s guidance into the wonderful world of color. It was so exciting to see the art. It is exactly the medium I wanted and had been wanting to do, for awhile now.The art studio is filled with House Music beating and humming along while you work on your masterpiece. The music was good. Every song that played was a song I held/hold near and dear to my heart played, especially the ones that are just mine and Mike’s. I found myself singing and hummingwhile I worked with the paint. I had a sad joy while I was there, not an easy or easily describable feeling at all. It definately mad me think of Mike and all of the love I have for him, all that I do not want to let go of, and; yet all that is gone. All of that joy in the art I was creating combined with all that love. It was a very sureal moment. I wished Mike were there. It was strangely and immensely enjoyable in a sad and happy way. My art piece did turn out amazing though. I am very proud. I can not wait for next week. to feel that joy and love again.

Well, I am off to get Botox for the first time. Im looking forward to the results. I have been doing alot of treatments lately. I just no longer want to look like myself anymore. I want to be and look like someone else. If I look different maybe I will feel different. I want to have a whole new life. I want to be completely different and unrecognizable.

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