Day 45 June 1, 2022

Slept six hours I slept off and on last night I kept waking up I think I had bad dreams, But with the trazodone I can’t tell whether I dream or not. I just felt like I had nightmares! Ran downstairs and got my phone at 5:30 AM. I have my phone until 630 and I’m gonna plug away at the computer. I still have more to do and will get that accomplished soon.I am working on laundry at the moment. I have a huge laundry list no pun intended to get done before I leave here at 2 PM. And everything still up in the air on that. I am working on laundry at the moment. I have a huge laundry list no pun intended to get done before I leave here at 2 PM. And everything still up in the air on that.

How am I feeling mentally?

stressed out, but excited

How am I feeling physically?

restlessmess

How am I feeling spiritually?

I keep praying

What are my goals for the day?

follow my exit list I made

Affirmation/Gratitude/Greatness?

Mike for this next step in recovery

Each Day A New Beginning

Daily Meditation Guide for Woman

By Karen Casey

“One cannot collect all the beautiful shells on the beach; one can collect only a few, and they are more beautiful if they are few.“ – And Morrow Lindbergh

Being selective and choosing activities, and choosing friends, and choosing material possessions fosters unexpected appreciation. Too much of any one thing negates whatever specialness might have been realized. If we surround ourselves with acquaintances, we never fully share in knowing if you people well. If surrounded ourselves with “toys”, we never learned how to really want to spend our time.

When we don’t take life too slowly, piece by piece one shell at a time, we avoid the greatest discovery of all, the person within. When our attention to persons, places, things is deliberate and steady, the beauty within the object of our focus shines forth, and we, too, I made more beautiful in the process.

Today, I will take time to smell the flowers

On our last day at Decision Point we’re not allowed to go to classes and we have to wait until 2 PM to leave to get our phone and do our final check out and then someone has to come and pick us up. So I have most of the day to get different chores, packing meeting with doctors, meeting with nurses, and final residential exit.

My leaving to do list

  • wash bed linens
  • Pack up clothes
  • Pack up shoes
  • Pack up all stuff
  • Clean all drawers, closet, floors, underneath all furniture
  • Relabel all of my food, pack whatever food I want and clean off my pantry shelves
  • Meet with psychiatrist
  • Meet with nurses for my meds
  • Figure out transportation
  • Do residential discharge
  • Get my phone
  • Get dressed and ready
  • Say all my goodbyes
  • Leave

According to Jess yesterday, she said that Mike was waiting until 12 noon today to make a final decision. So far I’m not sure where I’ll be going I know I’ll be going somewhere and I’m not sure how I’ll be getting there. I contemplated running a car however I don’t have enough funds at my disposal for the deposit the car yes deposit no. So I’m incredibly nervous my stomach is turning leaps and bounds. I wonder how long he’ll keep punishing me for.

It’s nice when no one’s around I have the music on really loud while I do my cleaning and packing no one will be back to the apartment until around noon from lunch break so I have a good three hours to get everything I need accomplished.

So, Hannah, from Camelback, called the residential area. Apparently she’s been trying for quite some time to get a hold of me. Mike’s decided on Camelback recovery but he has “hard lines“ or rules that matter he must have full ROI access. He must have full access to my bank account and I am not allowed to spend any money out of my bank account. Also all payments have to go through my bank account because if I leave I am financially or fiduciaries responsible. We were having difficulty getting all the documents emails for me to sign to get back to them. Just a fiasco meanwhile I had to see doctors and nurses I’m still not completely packed. Maybe I should’ve started packing last night but I wanted to hang out with the girls.

So I’m ready to leave and there’s no transportation. Mike had not paid or called for any transportation for me to get to and from Prescott to Phoenix. Mary Anne, the owner of Decision Point, kindly paid for a Groome Transportation Phoenix Airport Shuttle so I could get down there. I got my phone, I did my residential check out, hopped in the residential minivan, and got to Groome and they wouldn’t take me.

They didn’t want to take me because of the amount of stuff I had. By this time my uneasy feeling has become completely flourished. Somethings wrong is going to happen. Something just doesn’t feel right about this.I have that feeling where wrong choices have been made and I’m going to regret making any suggestion to Camelback Recovery sober living.

The woman and Groome Transportation kept arguing with me and I kept pleading is there anyway that I can do anything can we solve this problem. I even offered because I still had $100 of what Mike left me of $200 when I got to Decision Point for petty cash. Eventually she went and she asked the manager and he said just this one time as long as the bus driver agrees and he did he felt sorry for me. I guess a lot of the sober living in treatment centers where I’m located have a tendency to just drop off and dump people there with all their belongings to get sent back onto an airport or wherever there is they may go and groom transportation is sick of it.

It was a nice quiet drive on the way down I just listen to music with my beats that I haven’t been able to listen to since I got to Decision Point and got dropped off at whatever terminal a number I was supposed to be. I waited over two hours to get picked up because Mercedes one of the House manager’s kept getting lost and couldn’t figure out the airport system. So yes I eventually got picked up. We drove to her in the airport to the house in Scottsdale and started to unload my stuff. As we entered into the garage I was introduced to one of the gals there who is not nice at all. Women typically are bitchy so I’m brushing it off for now. I’m hoping tomorrow when she actually meets meets me things will change. I’m kind of exhausted from the day so I’m gonna get a little unpacked and go to bed for now until tomorrow.

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