Day 38 May 25,2022

“…So often times we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key…” – The Eagles

Slept eight hours and I’m nervous and stressed. I will get ready and start the day I need to be down to get my phone and log onto the computer by 5:15 AM. So far I’ve gotten no phone call from Mike, new text and or no email. I don’t know what to do.

My Daily Focus

How am I feeling mentally?

Fearless but not good

How am I feeling physically?

Same

How am I feeling spiritually?

SameSame

What are my goals for the day?

Too many

Affirmation/Gratitude/Greatness?

Mary and Dave

Just for Today – May 25

“A lot happens in one day, both negative and positive. If we do not take time to appreciate both, perhaps we will miss something that will help us grow.”

IP No. 8, “Just for Today”

Most of us seem to unconsciously judge what happens in our lives each day as good or bad, success or failure. We tend to feel happy about the “good” and angry, frustrated, or guilty about the “bad.” Good and bad feelings, though, often have little to do with what’s truly good or bad for us. We may learn more from our failures than our successes, especially if failure has come from taking a risk.

Attaching value judgments to our emotional reactions ties us to our old ways of thinking. We can change the way we think about the incidents of everyday life, viewing them as opportunities for growth, not as good or bad. We can search for lessons rather than assigning value. When we do this, we learn something from each day. Our daily Tenth Step is an excellent tool for evaluating the day’s events and learning from both success and failure.

Just for today: I am offered an opportunity to apply the principles of recovery so that I will learn and grow. When I learn from life’s events, I succeed.

9 AM to 10:30 AM Dialectical Behavioral Therapy

God I genuinely despise this woman.

“Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it. Not as a reflection of their character, but it’s a reflection of yours.” – By David Willis

That is a very true statement one of which I do not completely follow. My character is pretty flawed when it comes to that. If you don’t deserve respect, I’m definitely not gonna give it. I should really think about that my character needs a little help right now, scratch that a lot of help!

11 AM to 12 Noon Anger Management with Jess and Rebecca

Physical, emotional and cognitive anger situations

2 to 3:30 PM Volunteering at Saint Vincent de Paul

Part of the PHP/Recovery in Charge Program we have to volunteer twice a week. The girls always volunteer at Saint Vincent de Paul. There are huge huge rolling bins or crates of clothes and we have to go through the clothes whether good or really bad they need to be thrown out and then fold them and put them into the right boxes. Once that box is full we have to label the box and stack them so they can be put on shelves for future use. I must remember to go back there and shop Because some of those clothes are so cute and designer and some of never being in the worn.

Depression is high! I don’t know why volunteering at Saint Vincent de Paul depresses me the shit out of me! It does though! All I can think about is what I have done with my life! I lost Mike and my son. My son hates me and Mike wants to dissolution of our marriage. I feel so heavy like I can’t go on! Sadness and depression. I can’t keep trying to give my whole big to a higher power, it’s just isn’t working. I don’t believe anyone is listening. maybe I’ll try to mediate!

4 PM with Caseworker Jess

Anyway, I met with Jess for 10 minutes, she handed me my phone. Upon looking at it/updating, I had received a text from Mike that read I called Decision Point and you need to lift the restriction so I can get the information. OR you need to call your mom and dad. I told them you’ll need to call them or stay in a halfway house.

I called an attorney that I can make payment plans too. I also found a cheaper apartment. I will have to do some type of foot work or planning I don’t know what to do. I got credit to buy some furniture I’m holding onto that until it gets closer so I have something to sleep on and sit on.

You are done resonates with me! He doesn’t love me anymore. But I’m definitely ready to text back. I need to pray and meditate a lot about it I did some math work

The depression will set in soon I suppose and I’ll be very sad! I know I will cry. My heart is broken but I need to try to stay strong.

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