Day 43 May 30,2022

I slept 5 1/2 hours. It’s 3:40 AM I’m exhausted and tired, sad, anxious, nervous, and depressed! I feel I feel like I just got here to Desicion Point all over again, with all the unknowing, as when I just arrived. I am not nervous to leave here. It is easy to not want to drink at all. Because of what happened and the embarrassment of it all! I am, as it happens excited to go to Scottsdale. I feel like a fresh start is good. I don’t think I will ever come back (live I mean) in Prescott. That’s just too much; too many people involved and I don’t want to be a part of that nightmare.

I get my phone in an hour. Hopefully no nasty messages from Mike. It’s not like I have anyone to call. I don’t want anyone to know. Mike has burnt bridges on behalf of me. Maybe that was wrong to say. He has told people, many people, and I don’t want to ever talk about it. Besides I know deep down it is over, I will never see my son and never be a wife to make again – my son I will fight for. I don’t know that I want to fight for Mike. I know he’s hurt, but his capabilities and actions in this not the man I married, nor am I nor will I ever be the woman he married.

I’ve changed. I’m a completely different person. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m not isolating and binge drinking anymore and too scared of my shell of a person. I’m stronger I don’t know that Mike will like me anymore.i’ve changed. I’m a completely different person. I’ve learned a lot about myself. I’m not isolating and binge drinking anymore and too scared of my shell of a person. I’d like to think that he would like me but I need to change my whole look I want to become the person I was meant to be I have a happiness and I am fulfilled, I feel like I have a purpose I think people want to read what I have to say. Mike probably won’t like that either.

Memorial Day is upon us and today it will be a lot more lax, and chill as for programming. Bonus, we get a barbecue! I’m looking forward to that! I need to finish the pasta salad this morning and give it to John so he can add his magic (the pepperonis and extras) as we split the cost/or groceries to be honestly specific.

It’s 4:50 AM and I need to get ready. I’m going to wear the shirt that Mike bought me one of the shirts I actually like that he brought to me while I was here. I wish you would’ve brought more clothes. As I’m beginning to get ready to order some. A new style for a new me.

My Daily Focus

How am I feeling mentally?

Anxious/sort of good

How am I feeling physically?

Anxious – my body feels it!

How am I feeling spiritually?

Trying and praying for some type of an answer

What are my goals for the day?pppppp

I don’t know I can’t move forward


Welcome Chase

Just for Today – May 30

“Sharing with others keeps us from feeling isolated and alone.”

Basic Text, p. 81

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being lonely is a state of the heart, an emptiness that makes us feel sad and sometimes hopeless. Loneliness is not always alleviated when we enter into relationships or surround ourselves with others. Some of us are lonely even in a room full of people.

Many of us came to Narcotics Anonymous out of the desperate loneliness of our addiction. After coming to meetings, we begin to make new friends, and often our feelings of loneliness ease. But many of us must contend with loneliness throughout our recovery.

What is the cure for loneliness? The best cure is to begin a relationship with a Higher Power that can help fill the emptiness of our heart. We find that when we have a belief in a Higher Power, we never have to feel lonely. We can be alone more comfortably when we have a conscious contact with a God of our understanding.

We often find deep fulfillment in our interactions with others as we progress in our recovery. Yet we also find that, the closer we draw to our Higher Power, the less we need to surround ourselves with others. We begin to find a spirit within us that is our constant companion as we continue to explore and deepen our connection with a Power greater than ourselves. We realize we are spiritually connected with something bigger than we are.

Just for today: I will take comfort in my conscious contact with a Higher Power. I am never alone.

9 AM to 11:30 AM Primary Group with Gregson

Because it’s Monday he’s calling it Monday Group Soup! Too funny I love all the soup recipes though it makes all of us kind of happy. I think I am the only person who actually makes all the soup recipes. Well except for the cheeseburger one I already know that one taste like shit. My Connor and I tried it once I had a friend who said it was the bomb and it was definitely a bomb but not in a good sense. It was a definite thumbs down from my family.

Traits I am/I know I am:

loyal, attractive, creative, strong ,resilient, decisive, and tolerant

Traits I wish I was more like and I need to work on:

Friendly, patient, relaxed

Learning about early recovery and cravings – following through with it – sponsors – we need them not to fall into our cravings! We don’t want to do drugs or drink – we are too dependent on her addiction.

What is my spirit animal I didn’t choose and I did a pass in class, but I really think it’s either a butterfly, a ladybug, or a hummingbird. I will Google today and find one – one tell the world as tomorrow I must announce and explain!

Butterfly Spirit Animal:

The butterfly spirit animal symbolizes the psyche, just like the ladybug spirit animal, and how you should be in tune with your emotions and spirit. Spiritually speaking, the butterfly spirit animal signifies resurrection and the need for meditation if you wish to take the road to enlightenment.

But perhaps the most well-known butterfly symbolism is that of rebirth, metamorphosis, and transformation.

This is because the butterfly goes through different stages before it comes out to the world better, stronger, and more beautiful.

This means that your life will also be moving through different stages.

You will also undergo different struggles and take giant leaps so that you can grow, change, and become someone you have never even imagined.

Just like the eagle, the butterfly totem encourages you to have a change in perspective, personality, and personal habits for the sake of your well-being.

If you will never change, you will never see your full potential!

The meaning of the butterfly also indicates playfulness and lightness of being and spirit. Life doesn’t have to be so serious all the time!

Your butterfly spirit animal is reminding you to pause and take a breather, because life is short! Sometimes a different perspective is all you need to ease the heaviness or the tensions that you are experiencing.

The butterfly has bold, bright, and beautiful colors, which symbolize the need to bring joy and happiness into your life. Lighten up and bring more color in and show the world your colorful personality!

Here is why the Butterfly Spirit animal is Lucky for some…

When the butterfly spirit animal appears to you, it means that you are ready to let go of someone or something that has been keeping you shackled.

This has been holding you back, and it will be gone from your life soon!

The butterfly meaning wants to tell you that you are now ready to delve deeper in your journey.

You are now heading to a new level of awareness, and your choices are becoming the catalysts for that transformation that you are looking for in your life.

The butterfly symbolism tells you of your hidden potential. It signals the time for you to spread your wings and fly!

Read more at:

The Ladybug Spirit Animal:

Symbol of good luck, the ladybug is said to give blessings to those she encounters. Master in the art of metamorphosis, she transforms from a hideous larva to a beautiful insect adorned with bright colors. This totem animal is a powerful ally to make important changes in your life and go through your life’s journey with ease. Let’s discover its encouraging message: Believe in yourself and dare!

What Do Ladybugs Symbolize?

Whether you meet the ladybug in reality or in a dream, it is generally considered a symbol of good luck and happiness.

  • The main meanings of the ladybug are:
  • Good fortune
  • Innocence
  • True love
  • Importance of lightness
  • Changes, even metamorphosis
  • Divine intervention
  • Going beyond illusion
  • A happy resolution to a hassle
  • The miraculous at play in the everyday life
  • The importance of staying alert to avoid pitfalls
  • The need to know yourself well to make the right life choices

Ladybug symbolism is centered around positivity and happiness. Seeing a ladybug is therefore usually considered as a good omen.

The Ladybug, A Symbol Of Luck And Positivity

When the ladybug shows up in your life, it surely signifies that positive change is on the way. This humble-looking spirit animal is a most-trusted ally when it comes to brightening the day and disrupting a gloomy mood our outlook.

This spirit animal brings a breath of fresh air if you’re getting caught in the daily grind or feel things are getting confusing or simply just too dark. Call her as a lucky charm to deal with a tricky situation or relationship, or to get out of your own head if need be!

The ladybug spirit animal has always been a symbol of good luck. If you have a wish that you would like to come true, the ladybug symbolism is an indication that your wish will be granted very soon!

When you chance upon a ladybug, make a wish and watch it fly away and make your wish come true.

Read more at:

The Hummingbird Spirit Animal:

In case you didn’t know anything about the hummingbird spirit animal, it represents lightness of being. Just like the fly symbolism, the enjoyment of life is also a hummingbird symbolism.

People who have the hummingbird as a spirit animal are being called to enjoy life more and release the negativity wherever it is present.

All these from a fascinating bird that can perform amazing feats which can truly surprise you!

Common Hummingbird Spirit Animal Meanings

The hummingbird meaning is of love and happiness. It represents the miracle of life, and all the wonderful things that make up life.

Just like the hummingbird that flies far and wide, it’s about being able to endure long and arduous journeys with joy and playfulness.

It’s about learning to be independent and being present in the moment.

The hummingbird totem encourages you to enjoy life and keep yourself light and free. Enjoy life because it is fleeting.

Release all the negativities to let the love and light in. Open your life to the good energies so that you can receive more love and joy.

When you have an affinity with the hummingbird, you are also able to move swiftly and think quickly. You glide from one place to the next.

The hummingbird meaning also brings to light the time to show your loved ones how much you truly appreciate and love them.

Do not be so preoccupied with accolades and material wealth, because none of these things matter if you have no one to share them with.

The hummingbird symbolism prompts you to be ready for life’s surprises, and to adapt to any situation, no matter how demanding or challenging.

Learn to fight without harming anyone, and do it simply with the courage and wisdom that you possess.

If Your Spirit Animal is the Hummingbird, read this carefully…

Unlike the elephant, the hummingbird symbolism speaks about love. It’s a powerful totem of love and romance.

If you chance upon a hummingbird, focus on the love that you have, and the love that’s soon to come. If you don’t give it the care and attention that it deserves, it will fly away from you!

The hummingbird meaning also signifies enchantment, and how you should allow yourself to take great delight in the big and small things.

Never lose your sense of wonder, because this will help you on your journey towards love, happiness, and spiritual enlightenment.

Do this if you see the Hummingbird Totem in Your Dreams…

When you see the hummingbird spirit animal, you are being prepared for the journey ahead of you.

Start paying attention to the small details, because you never know when something seemingly insignificant can be helpful.

The hummingbird symbolism also urges you to conserve your energy when you are embarking on a journey. Don’t go full speed so soon because you will quickly lose your momentum.

It’s time to face new challenges and fight for your beliefs.

The hummingbird totem symbolizes the need for endurance and perseverance, and experiencing more joy, love, and happiness by finding it in the simplest things.

Positive Traits of the Hummingbird Spirit Animal

The hummingbird spirit animal appears out of nowhere bearing gifts of joy and happiness, bringing with an air of magic in your life. It’s a symbol of good things!

When your spirit animal is the hummingbird, you share its traits of being small but strong. You are also courageous, determined, flexible, and adaptable.

You strive to create peace when there’s no peace to be found, and you are careful to protect and remain within your boundaries.

You possess great courage and resilience, and you are tireless in your pursuit of a good and happy life.

You are loyal and affectionate, sincere and energetic, and playful and happy. Just like your hummingbird totem, you can accomplish the impossible while having a great time doing it!

Negative Traits of the Hummingbird Spirit Animal

The hummingbird spirit animal can fly backwards. Symbolically, it shows you can look back at your past and revisit it from time to time, but without living in it or dwelling in it too much.

The meaning of the hummingbird also speaks of emotional instability, because you shift rapidly from one emotion to the next with no warning.

It seems like a tireless bird with plenty of energy, but it does get tired and burnt out, too.

The hummingbird spirit animal burns a lot of energy when in flight, so it forages for food constantly. Remember to rest often and allow your body to recharge.

Feed yourself physically, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. The hummingbird symbolism is a reminder on how you should expend your energy without harming yourself.

There will be plenty of flighty thoughts and frivolous ideas when it comes to the hummingbird. Be mindful of these things for they may take away your focus on the things that truly matter.

Call on your Hummingbird Spirit Animal when:
  • You need your moods to be lifted.
  • The hummingbird can instill joy and happiness in your life. The presence of the hummingbird totem is like a ray of sunshine on a rainy day.
  • You need to have a more optimistic outlook in life.
  • Find your way out of the dark by taking to heart what your hummingbird totem wants to tell you. When the negativity seems too much, release it all and let the positive energies in.
  • You need more joy and enthusiasm in your life.

Increase the happiness in your life and find ways to let joy in. There are so many ways, if you will just open your eyes and see!

5 Unusual Facts About Hummingbird Symbolism

Hummingbird symbolism can certainly be far more productive and positive than you would perhaps give it credit for, but it all depends on the way in which you can apply the different aspects that apply to you.

Of course, you do need to know what it focuses on in the first place which is why it can be important to look at several key facts surrounding this particular spirit animal.

1. It represents being happy with life.

The first thing to mention is that the hummingbird spirit animal represents the idea of you being more than happy with life at this moment in time.

There are many areas where this can apply, but the main thing is that you have a sense of contentment surrounding you that may not have always been there.

2. It linked to love and the wonders of life.

There is a lightness surrounding hummingbird symbolism and it is linked to you feeling light when you are in love, so if the spirit animal appears then it could signify that you will be entering into that phase in your life soon.

It will also look at you being left amazed by the wonders of life and marvel at nature that surrounds you.

3. It symbolises being in the present moment.

Hummingbird symbolism is also directly linked to the idea of you being present in the moment. You should not sit there and worry about the past or stress about the future.

Instead, you need to enjoy what is happening as of this very minute to then make sure that you get the absolute maximum enjoyment out of it wherever you can.

4. You are resilient and free.

The hummingbird spirit animal is also going to let you see that you are free as both a human as well as a spirit, and you need to try to make the most of that in your life.

Also, you are resilient and capable of putting up with so much if you are only willing to tackle whatever life throws at you and do it with a smile on your face.

5. Show your loved ones that you care.

Finally, hummingbird symbolism is also closely related to the idea of letting your loved ones know that you do indeed care about them.

Don’t wait until something bad has happened, but rather you have to stress this as soon as possible.

This is to hopefully provide them with the same light feeling that you have experienced when you are in love as it is certainly something that is worth sharing.

Overall, hummingbird symbolism is all about not being surrounded by negative energy and looking to build on what you have and being quite content with everything in your surroundings.

This may not be easy at first, but the hummingbird spirit animal is there to guide you and to force you into looking at things at this exact moment in time.

If you can turn your attention to it in that way, then your future will indeed look significantly brighter.

My final thoughts on the Hummingbird Spirit Animal and its Symbolism

The hummingbird meaning is about movement, and how with skillful maneuvering and a little bit of magic, you can achieve even the impossible.

Be tenacious in pursuing your dreams, and never back down!

Go on big and exciting adventures, love like you’ve never loved before, and be completely immersed in new experiences. Whatever it is you decide to do, always look up and move forward!

Read more at:

I think I’d like to be a little of each actually. I choose all three as my spirit animal. Its my story damn it and Ill decide my spirit animal. I think I need someone to draw me a morph of all three and hav it painted to put on my wall and display for the world to see!

11 AM to 12:30 PM Team Building with Troy

Troy comes up with the absolute coolest stuff to do. I swear. So today it’s a game and we’re playing it all against each other in groups.

The story is we are all in a plane crash in Northern California it’s 20° wearing clothes we would be in if we were in Phoenix. We are near a river. we must choose five items out of 11 items. And you have to choose these items based on how you think you will survive.

We chose

  • A pistol which is worth four points
  • A tarp which is worth eight
  • Steel wool which is worth 11 points
  • A lighter which is worth 12 points
  • And a set of clothes is worth 10 points
  • We got a total of 45 points we were second place

So here is the real exercise:

Team Building Exercise – Airplane Crash Survival
Mid-January is the coldest time of year in Northern Canada. The first problem the
survivors face is the preservation of body heat and the protection against its loss. This
problem can be solved by building a fire, minimizing movement and exertion, using as
much insulation as possible, and constructing a shelter.
The participants have just crash-landed. Many individuals tend to overlook the enormous
shock reaction this has on the human body and the deaths of the pilot and co-pilot
increases the shock. Decision-making under such circumstances is extremely difficult.
Such a situation requires a strong emphasis on the use of reasoning for making decisions
and for reducing fear and panic. Shock would be shown in the survivors by feelings of
helplessness, loneliness, hopelessness, and fear. These feelings have brought about more
fatalities than perhaps any other cause in survival situations. Certainly the state of shock
means the movement of the survivors should be at a minimum, and that an attempt to
calm them should be made.
Before taking off, a pilot has to file a flight plan which contains vital information such as
the course, speed, estimated time of arrival, type of aircraft, and number of passengers.
Search-and-rescue operations begin shortly after the failure of a plane to appear at its
destination at the estimated time of arrival.
The 20 miles to the nearest town is a long walk under even ideal conditions, particularly
if one is not used to walking such distances. In this situation, the walk is even more
difficult due to shock, snow, dress, and water barriers. It would mean almost certain
death from freezing and exhaustion. At temperatures of minus 25 to minus 40, the loss of
body heat through exertion is a very serious matter.
Once the survivors have found ways to keep warm, their next task is to attract the
attention of search planes. Thus, all the items the group has salvaged must be assessed for
their value in signaling the group’s whereabouts.
The ranking of the survivors items was made by Mark Wanvig, a former instructor in
survival training for the Reconnaissance School of the 101st Division of the U.S. Army.
Mr. Wanvig currently conducts wilderness survival training programs in the Minneapolis,
Minnesota area. This survival simulation game is used in military training classrooms.

  1. Cigarette lighter (without fluid).
    The gravest danger facing the group is exposure to cold. The greatest need is for a source
    of warmth and the second greatest need is for signaling devices. This makes building a
    fire the first order of business. Without matches, something is needed to produce sparks,
    and even without fluid, a cigarette lighter can do that.
  2. Ball of steel wool.
    To make a fire, the survivors need a means of catching he sparks made by the cigarette
    lighter. This is the best substance for catching a spark and supporting a flame, even if the
    steel wool is a little wet.
  3. Extra shirt and pants for each survivor
    Besides adding warmth to the body, clothes can also be used for shelter, signaling,
    bedding, bandages, string (when unraveled), and fuel for the fire.
  4. Can of Crisco shortening.
    This has many uses. A mirror-like signaling device can be made from the lid. After
    shining the lid with steel wool, it will reflect sunlight and generate 5 to 7 million
    candlepower. This is bright enough to be seen beyond the horizon. While this could be
    limited somewhat by the trees, a member of the group could climb a tree and use the
    mirrored lid to signal search planes. If they had no other means of signaling than this,
    they would have a better than 80% chance of being rescued within the first day.
    There are other uses for this item. It can be rubbed on exposed skin for protection against
    the cold. When melted into oil, the shortening is helpful as fuel. When soaked into a
    piece of cloth, melted shortening will act like a candle. The empty can is useful in
    melting snow for drinking water. It is much safer to drink warmed water than to eat
    snow, since warm water will help retain body heat. Water is important because
    dehydration will affect decision-making. The can is also useful as a cup.
  5. 20 x 20 foot piece of canvas
    The cold makes shelter necessary, and canvas would protect against wind and snow
    (canvas is used in making tents). Spread on a frame made of trees, it could be used as a
    tent or a wind screen. It might also be used as a ground cover to keep the survivors dry.
    Its shape, when contrasted with the surrounding terrain, makes it a signaling device.
  6. Small ax
    Survivors need a constant supply of wood in order to maintain the fire. The ax could be
    used for this as well as for clearing a sheltered campsite, cutting tree branches for ground
    insulation, and constructing a frame for the canvas tent.
  7. Family size chocolate bars (one per person)
    Chocolate will provide some food energy. Since it contains mostly carbohydrates, it
    supplies the energy without making digestive demands on the body.
  8. Newspapers (one per person)
    These are useful in starting a fire. They can also be used as insulation under clothing
    when rolled up and placed around a person’s arms and legs. A newspaper can also be
    used as a verbal signaling device when rolled up in a megaphone-shape. It could also
    provide reading material for recreation.
  9. Loaded .45-caliber pistol.
    The pistol provides a sound-signaling device. (The international distress signal is 3 shots
    fired in rapid succession). There have been numerous cases of survivors going undetected
    because they were too weak to make a loud enough noise to attract attention. The butt of
    the pistol could be used as a hammer, and the powder from the shells will assist in fire
    building. By placing a small bit of cloth in a cartridge emptied of its bullet, one can start
    a fire by firing the gun at dry wood on the ground. The pistol also has some serious
    disadvantages. Anger, frustration, impatience, irritability, and lapses of rationality may
    increase as the group awaits rescue. The availability of a lethal weapon is a danger to the
    group under these conditions. Although a pistol could be used in hunting, it would take
    an expert marksman to kill an animal with it. Then the animal would have to be
    transported to the crash site, which could prove difficult to impossible depending on its
  10. Quart of 100 proof whiskey.
    The only uses of whiskey are as an aid in fire building and as a fuel for a torch (made by
    soaking a piece of clothing in the whiskey and attaching it to a tree branch). The empty
    bottle could be used for storing water. The danger of whiskey is that someone might
    drink it, thinking it would bring warmth. Alcohol takes on the temperature it is exposed
    to, and a drink of minus 30 degrees Fahrenheit whiskey would freeze a person’s
    esophagus and stomach. Alcohol also dilates the blood vessels in the skin, resulting
    in chilled blood belong carried back to the heart, resulting in a rapid loss of body heat.
    Thus, a drunken person is more likely to get hypothermia than a sober person is.
  11. Compass.
    Because a compass might encourage someone to try to walk to the nearest town, it is a
    dangerous item. Its only redeeming feature is that it could be used as a reflector of
    sunlight (due to its glass top).
  12. Sectional air map made of plastic.
    This is also among the least desirable of the items because it will encourage individuals
    to try to walk to the nearest town. It’s only useful feature is as a ground cover to keep
    someone dry.
    How to score:
    Each team should list its top 5 choices in order prior to seeing the answer sheet. To
    award points, look at the ranking numbers on this answer sheet. Award points to each
    team’s top choices according to the numbers here. For example, the map would earn 12
    points, while the steel wool would earn 2 points. Lowest score wins (and survives).

12 Noon to 4:30 PM Memorial Day Barbecue

So much fun! It was nice to have some fun! But the guys and the girls got to hang out together with the boys! So much great food laughs and a lot of fun!

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