Faith in Me, Hope for My Future & Love of My Life

Slept five hours. Today is Sunday Fun day with Greg He also calls it Souper Sunday ! He’s a nice guy, kind of reminds me of a big toe – he’s stocky with no neck! But he has a really great guy and has a really nice wonderful things to say. He was the first one I met when I got here and had to tell me a story to he’s one of the clinicians and no not the one that called me just disheveled. And on the second day he saw me crying and out of place or at least feeling out of place, I know I was in the right place.

The soup recipe of this week:

Went to the gym with Avni it was amazing 20 minutes of cardio on the elliptical then arms – not too many repetitions as I haven’t worked on my arms for years, so only three sets of five and avoided all machines that had anything to do with or near packs! I don’t wanna lose my boobs!

No phone privileges today, but again tomorrow! My anxiety has worsened to the point that I’m not pooping again it’s been more than 24 hours since the last! I have a bottle of magnesium citrate, so if it Worsens again I can take that, but I assume I won’t until after Wednesday.

9:30 AM to 11:30 AM daily focus With Troy and Rebecca

How am I feeling today mentally?

I have a lot of anxiety and sadness

How am I feeling physically today?

Good I went to the gym that always perked me up at least for a little bit while the endorphins are still running

How many spiritually?

Doing OK – giving my favorite people my prayers

What are your goals for today?

I need to call my sponsor and work on a relapse prevention plan

What is my mantra?

Just got through. Just get through. Just get through this week. Making my son her first making my son her first making my son her first.

Well there’s no Gregson today! Makes me sad I love his talks at the end.

Daily Reading

“As we approach the step the, fourth step, Most of us are afraid that there is a monster inside of us. That, if we’re least, will destroy us”

There is a monster inside of me, sadly the one I trusted most has made me the biggest monster ever. Why do I hold onto his and my unwanted goods. My resentments and his resentments may equal – that there is nothing left. Everyone is talking about the fourth step in our group it goes in a round robin. So by the time he gets to my turn I’ll be the 30th person. My mind keeps wandering. I need to make my grocery list

Grocery List

• Brown sugar
• Granola
• Vanilla bean yogurt
• Blueberries
• Strawberries
• Lettuce wrap mix
• Fruity Pebbles/cocoa pebbles
• More chocolate (8 XL Symphony Hersey n Toffee)
• Chicken broth
• Brownie mix
• Cream of mushroom soup
• Mayonnaise
• Yellow mustard
• Worcestershire sauce
• Gallon Ziploc‘s
• yogurt
• Sour cream
• Heavy cream
• 2 1/2 gallons of ice cream (black raspberry chocolate & white choc. honey comb)
• onion
• Kale
• Milk
• Ground chicken
• Stew beef
• Hot italian sausage
• Bacon
• Lunch Meat Ham
• Bread
• Frozen vegis
• Butter lettuce
• Potatoes

A&R

We Hiked The Yeager Canyon Trail on Mingus Mountain . It was so beautifal! It was a great hike, great cardio, and fantastic on my legs too!The moutain air was freshandm lovely to be around the trees. On our way backI saw the cave tom go into, just look for the graffiti on the road at the curve. Hopefully I can remember. It was so cool I can’t wait to do it when I leave. It would be nice to and check it out!

I have talked to the other gals here about my situation and upcoming court case till I have turned blue in the face. I still have anxiety and confused, lost, and otherwise feel alone. I’m not sure what to do next.

Savanna came back today after fleeing the hospital Almost a week later after she faked a pregnancy and left. Then she just showed up. Showed up high on fentanyl and meth. We mean none of the girls, being nice. Her decision to leave and come back high and act like nothing happened. She’s been to 16 different treatment centers. We are all working so hard and battling our demons she should have been more apologetic and asking forgiveness because she jeopardized all of her privileges by doing that. So she told Jessica, “I am so full of shame for everyone being so mean.” We were being mean we just weren’t gonna put up with that I wasn’t talking to her and she comes bebopping around in the room like nothing happened ridiculous. Maybe I was being mean but fuck I’m working so hard and I’ve lost everything I just think she’s an asshole. Anyway, my sobriety Is more important to me. I have no control of my life right now I have to be here. And to lose a privilege because somebody fucked up and didn’t care that’s a big deal in my book.

It’s med pass, I am exhausted. Goodbye until tomorrow.