Day 20 May 7, 2022

I slept five hours I woke up really stuffy, but it’s no longer in my chest. The quercetin, D3, vitamin C, and Mucinex knock that out – quick so I’m happy about that, immensely so! It’s 2:30 AM and I’m up! I’m going to make a cup of tea and start reading all the pages people keep suggesting in the “Big Book”.

I met Mary outside for our mornings cigarette at 4 AM and then at 4:45 AM. We talked about our stuff, it’s always amazing to talk with Mary. She always makes my soul feel good!. at 4 AM and then at 4:45 AM. We talked about our stuff, it’s always amazing to talk with Mary. She always makes my soul feel good.

So in the “Big Book I read:

Pages 22 through 21 in ‘There is a Solution’

“He does absurd – incredible – tragic things while drinking. He is a real doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.” “He is often perfectly sensible and well-balanced concerning everything except liquor,…” “…and he frequently becomes disgusting.” “… But in that respect he is incredibly dishonest and selfish.” “He uses his gifts to build up a bright outlook for his family and himself, and then pulls the structure down on his head by a senseless series of sprees.“ “He is the fellow that who gets to bed so intoxicated he out of sleep the clock around yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before. If he can afford it, he may have liquor concealed all over the house to be certain no one gets his entire supply away from him to throw down the waste pipe.”

Pages 98 through 100 ‘Working with Others‘

“… There may be divorce separation, or just strained relationships.“ “That is if he’s lucky enough to have a home.“ “If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis since the former did not work. ““Let no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. ““If you persist remarkable things will happen. ““But urge the man’s family that he has been very sick person and should be treated accordingly. “

Page 531 ‘Another Chance’

“… I became an alcoholic but I do believe I pbecame one because I drink too much too often.“ “…I liked what booze did for me…”

Page 203 ‘Women Suffer Too‘

“For me, work was only A different means to the same end, to be able to do exactly what I wanted to do.“

Page 328 ‘Crossing The River of Denial‘

“She finally realized that when she enjoyed her drinking, she couldn’t control it, and when she controlled it she couldn’t enjoy it.“

So… Two cups of tea, 5 cups of coffee, reading, writing, dressed, make up and I feel so good with being me! I just wish I could be seen and heard. I feel fearless today! Groceries will be delivered today and after A&R it’s going to be a fuck off Saturday. Tracie, Savannah, and I made this app – movies, junk food, and laziness – just what’s needed!!

I forgot ANR yesterday. Yesterday was frisbee golf of the 89 and the Ponderosa pines, it was so beautiful. I would like to take Connor there and try it it was fun!

9:30 AM to 11:30 AM Daily Focus with Krista Rebecca and Troy

How am I mentally today?

Whole I think I’m becoming to be whole

How am I physically today?

How am I spiritually?

Again, whole – good! Working out, even ran… There must be a hole in my brain!

Still praying for a sign, and answer. It would be nice to know I’m doing the right thing, from someone else… Just a speck of acknowledgment that’s all I’m asking for.

What are my goals for the day?

To write

What’s my gratitude/greatness/affirmation today?

To recognize who I am for a change!

Why can’t I gain any weight and why do I weigh 11 pounds less? I’m not sure what’s going on but I can’t gain weight. I’m still 11 pounds shy of my regular weight. I’m a little concerned. I eat breakfast, lunch, dinner too!

Jessica just made chocolate peanut butter fudge – Yum! I just ate like six huge pieces! Missing some things for my grocery order due to out of stock. It’s a very important stuff like yogurt. I’m supposed to meet with my case manager, Jess. So, on Monday I want to order a cake and some ice cream to celebrate Mother’s Day a bunch of us can’t celebrate because we are here and a few of us can’t see our children.

A&R will start soon, but I will not participate in dodgeball so I will sit in the sun and right! My plan is 2 books. The one I’ve been writing forever and now my mind isn’t foggy and fucked up I’m really doing better. My mind is really getting out there with some twists and turns I’m so excited. The other is my journey while here and treatment the highs and lows! Losses and regrets, etc. So we’ll see!

Allison has the cutest athletic where she gets it from an Internet company called Donna Joe. I must look this up and order some for myself.

So I left Mike the text message and omitted any “I love youse.“ Tomorrow, Connor will get his text message. That’s all I can do. I’ll start looking for rental properties tomorrow.

So I played dodgeball anyway because well that’s one of my favorite sports. I did break my sunglasses there barely holding on as I ran into a fence trying to catch the kickball. And while running into a base I went to slide and my Alexander McQueen shoes are very slippery and grass and let’s just say I slid further than I meant to.So I played dodgeball anyway because well that’s one of my favorite sports. I did break my sunglasses there barely holding on as I ran into a fence trying to catch the kickball. And while running into a base I went to slide and my Alexander McQueen shoes are very slippery and grass and let’s just say I slid further than I meant to. We had fun now lotta high-fives at the park. Troy does great and so does Rebecca at ANR

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