Faith in Me, Hope for My Future & Love of My Life

I think I slept but maybe only a little bit cut me off my drunken haze all I can remember is that I slap my son don’t do a huge argument with my husband tried to run away from the police and was arrested.I was in a jail cell with three other women I’ll talking amongst themselves. The sheriff came over and had asked if anybody wanted breakfast. The two young girls I actually asked what was for breakfast I pulled the blanket over my head and the sheriff replied it’s delicious I think you’ll like it. I thought for sure the two young girls were going to say something like oh I have my eggs over medium and extra toasted sourdough. But now think it was a peanut butter jelly sandwich and a granola bar. I wasn’t hungry I didn’t care. Shortly after we were told we were getting ready to move. I was a bit discouraged because I knew we were going to camp Verde jail which was two hours away and I did not know how he’s going to get home. I thought well maybe Mike will pick me up this is before I knew I couldn’t talk to my family again. We were exited out of our jail cell and this part is important because it’s the first time in my life I’ve been asked to stand and I was shackled. Yes shackled. Then we were marched like a chain gang into a transport vehicle. No seatbelts all metal every stop every turn you jarred forward or back or slid from side to side there’s two of us on one side and two of us on the other.

I may not beable to place those two young girls faces, but I will never forget there stories as it was their 1st arrest and for about 8 hours they went on and on about their arrests. Pondering all the what ifs’ and were they really going to be in that much trouble. Me and the other lady were about the same age and just paced opposites sides of the jail cell. at some point we were told to change out of our super cute red outfit into a snazzy orange number. Thats when I sat and turned to her and told her that orange was a good color on you. she laughed, and told me she rerally needed a compliment. Web both smiled. It turns out Alberta and I were incarceated for the same charges although we never discussed them. The reason why I mention this is that Alberta did the kindest of acts. After our release she said her son was picking her up and she would head to Phoenix as she had a condo their. Meanwhile, I am barefoot, no p[urse, no money, and no cellphone and was told I can not contact Mike. I was literally stranded 2 hours away. Before she left with her son she asked if I needed anything and I said a bottle of water (very large), a pack of smokes, and a lighter. I scoffed off my request as I didnt think she would come back. She did. She brought me all I asked for and then handed me one hundred dollars so I could get near my home to pick up the truck and clothes and head to a hotel (motel actually).

What did I do for eight days. Every day seems like a distant memory. A horrible feeling from the time you woke up to the time you fell asleep. The only thing was I didn’t sleep. One things for sure I hadn’t stopped drinking yet. But it wasn’t that fun or what I thought was fun kind of buzzed feeling. It was despair at this point I was drinking, I was drinking just a drink. There is no oh I’m almost there at that feels fantastic. The constant gloomOr Hayes rather. The week was a haze.

I went to work on Monday Tuesday and Wednesday I took Thursday and Friday off and put my leave of absence in from that following Monday. I waited all week for Mike to serve me with divorce papers restraining orders whatever. I spent Easter drunk all day I would pass out I would wake back up and I would get drunk again. I had never drink like that ever. But one thing was damn sure make assumed I drink that way so God dammit I was gonna do it it was the most miserable Easter I’ve ever had. I would’ve done anything to talk to Mike have a complete utter argument but now I was left to my own devices from April 10 to the 17th.

When I went to work no one knew I had conversations I smiled I talked I laughed I told everybody hello asked how everybody’s day was, but no one knew. Every time I would walk down an aisle by myself and there was no one there I could let myself feel. The guilt the overwhelming it just rushed over me. I wanted to run down those isles but I didn’t I succumb to that feeling.I was in despair I was in the unknowing. I know I had the arraignment on Tuesday, but I thought I’d see Mike there. He wasn’t there. I was all alone being told by a judge that I can’t see my family. On April 12 after the arraignment I did talk to Mike. He was very reserved you could tell he was sad he didn’t know what to do he was in despair as well. That’s what I was told a divorce was eminent. I was going to happen. That I couldn’t see Connor I was devastated. At that moment I knew that I had just lost the love of my life am I beautiful son. There’s a sadness I can’t explain I hopelessness that added to the despair. So yes I didn’t stop drinking I did call different rehabs drunk in the afternoon when I got home from work. That’s when I found Decision Point I picked it for its name. I had made a decision I may not have been ready right then to commit I should have but I wasn’t. I know I still had to go to work I know I had to admit for the first time to somebody that I was an alcoholic and that somebody wasn’t even my family it was Lynn from HR at Lowe’s. I dotted all my dots so I thought And crossed all my teas – to the best of my ability. I was entering the unknown a forever change of life a change of lifestyle and a change of people who are in my life.

Shannon Coon <coonfamily08@yahoo.com>

To:Michael Coon,IloveMike Coon

Thu, Apr 14 at 2:38 PM

Dear Mike,

I removed the Amazon app from my phone entirely, so there is no worry of “more shit mom ordered from Amazon that I paid for… that’s going back”. Thank you for removing me from the Arlo. Every time I got a notification, my heart sank, and I couldn’t breathe. So I took that app off as well.   I won’t have access to my phone as often, so email me with the ones you need if there are any passwords. However, you probably don’t.

There is something important I must tell you, and you will be furious. I was still in flight or flight  when I arrived at Motel 6. The police were there arresting people. The officers at the civil stand-by asked me not to stay there. I was not okay, I didn’t feel safe, I was confused, and sleep deprieved. I opened a credit card. Please do not call the police and have me arrested. I want to get help and fix what I broke. Sitting in a jail cell will not get me the help I need. After a few hours of sleep, reality set in, I canceled the Best Western, but there was a cancellation fee.

I have paid for the Motel 6 myself with money in my bank account. Almost $800.00 to stay at Motel 6 for eight nights. When I complete rehabilitation, I will pay you for my incurred fee. I am just running out of money as I needed to buy some toiletries, clothes, shower shoes, hiking shoes, and enough cigarettes to last during my stay. I don’t want to Fraud to my already four misdemeanors and over $12,000 in fines and penalties. I am sorry for so many things and added my better lack of judgment to that list.

Hopefully, I will get a court-approved attorney. Then, I will not be shackled and sent to jail in Camp Verde again, as long as I obey the law. I am wrapping up loose ends at the Library today and tomorrow. I prefer to be served the divorce papers at the Motel to concentrate on getting my much-needed help. I am in room 217 at Motel 6.

I need a few things from the house before I enter the facility. These are things I do not feel buying more of is conducive to. Mainly because I have plenty of articles of clothing in the closet. I don’t want to be a burden, more so than I have been. I prefer not to involve any friends because my alcohol binging, domestic violence charges, and divorce are my business to take care of. Mine alone to fix, make right, and deal with. I love you both so much, and I shattered us. I know this. I don’t think any more humiliation will be helpful in the healing process. I will itemize what I predict I will need. I can leave the Motel, and you can leave it at the front desk? You tell me the best way you want to handle it.

1. Both very dark blue pairs of jeans (one almost looks black)and a belt
2. The black pair of jeans
3. Five pairs of shorts
4. All of my workout clothes (there will be a lot of exercising and hiking as part of the process at this facility). They are located after sweat pants.
5. The Carhart sweatshirt
6. A few shirts (not T-shirts, please)
7. Orange Converse ( I could only find one and need the mate)
8. Six pairs of underwear
9. The pink mini facial shaver in the medicine cabinet (the second shelf is battery operated)
10. My estrogen cream (please bring one from the linen closet, so it has a prescription label)
11. One very large makeup bag from the underneath sink
12. My watch charger plugged in at catch-all.
13. Title to Dodge so I can sign it, and I will leave in the Beast it for you
14. The Lace Pink Dress, and the Calvin Klien heals you bought me (for Court)
15. Lastly, the iPod you bought me, I believe it is on top of a tote on the second shelving unit in the black bag; if not, grab my old phone, and I will download motivational and healing podcasts from that to listen to

I think that is everything I will need.

When I figure out the address, you can pick the truck up. There will be items in it I can not have. For example, Tylenol PM, my perfume, tweezers, a computer, some jewelry,  a letter that needs to be mailed. I will handle the Alberta letter when I am released, and you can place it in my moving boxes.

I will not text you or call you again. I will only from now on respond to your emails, if any. I will delete all correspondence off my phone, as well.

Mike, you are not the enabler. I bought the Vodka last Tuesday with my own money, knowing full well I would get caught. I was angry at the time of purchase which is no excuse. You are a wonderful man and do not deserve me as your wife or even to be Connor’s Mom. Thank you for the beautiful things and life you gave me. Maybe one day when you are, or perhaps never really, we can talk, and I can tell you why I drink and why to excess. You deserve to know. 

I am beyond sad and think about you both all of the time, and I always will with great regret.

Goodbye Michael,

Shannon

Ps. Please do not have me arrested. I do want to be the person you wanted to spend your life with. 

Sent from Mail for Windows

The arraignment paperwork…