Day 7 April 24, 2022

“ I would rather go through life sober, Believing I am an alcoholic, Then go through lifeDrunk trying to convince myself I am not.”-Anonymous (It may be anonymous, but… It really sounds like a “Gregsonism”)

SOUPER SUNDAY With the one and only Gregson

Went to bed at 9 AM and woke up at 3:47 AM and said hell no and actually slept until 4:47 AM. So that’s good. I ate string cheeses, a handful of cocoa puffs and a spoonful of peanut butter. Lots of new ladies arrived three older alcoholics and one young fentanyl addict. Lots of the young people are fentanyl addicts. Nine women are 40+ all alcoholics here. So they are now 13 women. Mia and Olivia leave on Wednesday.

Joyce Meyer said, “when you have a problem, ladies you don’t have to worry so much we are allowed to enjoy life.“

Well, isn’t that a wonderful thought. Something, I can’t seem to do is not worry. Maybe I should try! I actually prayed last night on my hands and knees elbows on bad hands clap praying for my Connor and begging for a sign from Mike. I just broke down and cried.

I still have stickers/thorns on the bottom of my feet but slowly they’re making their way out, they don’t hurt as bad as they did two weeks ago! So I guess that’s positive.

Declan who is a famous artist on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube is working on Connor‘s graduation card for me. I started it, but he will finish and help what I can do!. I’m working on a Mother’s Day card for Connor and write my son a letter.

Drinking Folgers coffee and actually enjoying it. I want to say how sad that is, but now I am where I’m supposed to be!

OK there’s something I need to get off my chest and find peace with.

Mike said “no contact “fine. However, they must have told him about how he would attain a weekly report on my treatment. “I” being an adult over the age of 18, must give him access. That said he would never have been told protocol. When I asked what or what not I would, Who I would allow any information to, of course it would be Mike. The first reason, he’s my husband. The second reason, the most important, he is “my person“, as we were and have been (since we Met) friend’s first. The third reason,And I will say the most important reason, I know better than playing a game of tit for tat with that man, it is a dangerous game, One no one can win! That is one hell of a game of cat and mouse. Mike can play that game all day long and it really scare me to play that game.

So that motherfucker knew exactly I would! And I knew he knew I would.

Shit!

So we had to get two admissions report. Kendra, my therapist, doesn’t read any of the clinicians, psychiatric, psychologist, nurses reports until after our first individual meeting because she doesn’t want to assume who you are. However, I asked her to because I wanted to know about being served restraining orders, divorce papers, etc. So back to what she (Kendra) found in the intake paperwork. They gave very descriptive words on how I arrived, and what the fuck. All of it was OK – so to speak – as I wasn’t myself, broken, a shell of me, you know! This is what fucking pissed me off…

I should probably first explain that they hire people who are recovered addicts not that they aren’t qualified to do a job they are given – just kinda – some not all – are dumb – too harsh – not as educated or not worldly so to speak.

They actually wrote and used the word disheveled! My Lord, seriously! I can think of 1 million adverbs to describe myself, but disheveled. My sweet Jesus – someone needs a damn dictionary! Even Kendra looked at me and said, “what!“

OK my rants are over!

POSITIVES for the day

  1. My face is looking brighter.
  2. I have less wrinkles and more elasticities
  3. I am making lasting sober sisters
  4. I’m starting to not feel like I should die

I am enough today!

My To Do’s for The Day

  1. Write a letter to my sweet boy
  2. Work on tracing the dragon for “To My Son on Mother’s Day”
  3. Write a letter of recommendation for Olivia
  4. Do my laundry
  5. Lord help me I can’t believe I agreed! 5 PM Bible study

Daily Focus

How am I feeling mentally?

Focused

How am I physically?

Restless, desperately need to go on a walk

How am I spiritually?

Open

What are my goals for the day?

Not focusing that I need to go on a walk or a hike

What is my greatness my gratitude or my affirmation?

For Affirmation I’m feeling me today that’s how I feel me. And as for an Gratitude I’m just gonna send out positivity to the universe so it strikes all of us here.

Grayson always starts out with a really good music. We are listening to “the wait” with Ringo Starr and Robbie Robertson. We also get aromatherapy. Greg also calls it “Sunday soup or souper Sunday group or souper Sunday and passes out a soup recipe today the recipe is broccoli cheese soup! He also sometimes likes to ask an extra question for the day.

When or where or what will I be or where will I be in five years?

I will be sober and happy and see in the world.

Avni gave me a great affirmation today. Thanks my wonderful friend.

Today’s Daily Reading

“Through abstinence and through working on the 12 steps of narcotics anonymous, our lives have become more useful.“

“Narcotics anonymous does not promise us that we will find good jobs, loving relationships or a fulfilling life but we will work the 12 steps to the best of our ability, we can become the type of people we are capable of finding employment, sustaining loving relationships, and helping others.“

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