Faith in Me, Hope for My Future & Love of My Life

“I know you’re tired, I know you feel like giving up, but you’re not going to. You know why? Because you are strong. And when you survive all the shit your addiction has put us through You can survive recovery.” – Anonymous

Daily Focus

How am I feeling mentally?

Sad and broken stills

How am I feeling physically?

Definitely present

How am I feeling spiritually?

A bit questionable even though I’m being slashknowing he/she is watching over me

What is my goal for the day?

Try to focus

What is my affirmation greatness or gratitude for the day

Thank you to everyone for listening, always trying to smile and for all the stories – it may not seem I’m listening because I’m sad, but I hear you!

I do have a greatness for the day Mary Mia and Olivia for being great roommates

Appointments for Today: None

We spoke about detachment today. “Addiction is a family disease, but we can only change ourselves.“ – This fucked me up! Made my heart break!

So far craving medication is not making me nauseous I feel fine!

Dialectical behavioral therapy with Dr. Summers ( DBT )

“The truth is going to hurt you, you just got to find the ones were suffering for“ – Bob Marley

This doctor isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed and totally clueless she picked Bob Marley quote for attics on April 20 (4/20)! What an idiot!!

What my husband and son are going through is hurting me and the truth of what I did hurts, but I am suffering so bad right now, but they are worth my suffering – because I want my family back. I hurt myself, but I hurt them too! I will suffer my consequences to get my family back – Shannon, what I said in DBT group today.

DBT equals looks at pain and suffering much differently. Pain equals acceptance, suffer equals is to dwell in a problem.

We split into groups and reviewing last week – new people ( that’s me ). There is the prompting event. The problem. And what made as a vulnerable.

This whole group session I kept zoning out and thinking. Thought about calling the clerk, court appointed attorney – did I? Didn’t I? Separation, divorce. My poor son, how are we going to work this out? Can we? Well I gain his trust? Family therapy? I don’t want to lose him – my brain is so sad! Point how am I ever going to date again or be in love? I don’t want to love anyone – no other family either.

Anger Management

Anger is your Ally: A Mindful Approach to Anger/Juan Mustad/ Ted Talk

Anger is an uncomfortable emotion. People don’t like to talk about it. “Anger is like a child. You don’t wanna let it drive the car. And you don’t want to stuff it in the trunk either.”

Two Types of Anger ManagementManagement

The Stuffer: stifling the anger. Keeping it deep in our soul.

The Erupter: Letting out your anger. Aggressive, name-calling and even violent.

Dr Dan Siegel flight- Frontal cortex which means You put your four-year-old self in the drivers seat.

Healthy anger is breathing compassion name what is bothering you do it differently and inquire.

My Random thoughts. I wish I could really focus.

My concentrate is pretty lax I need to ask for deferred comp at the front office. $.25 per copy for the police records at the Preskett az.gov first go to the check-in window to see the city prosecutor.i’m so nervous about this whole thing I know and I will plead guilty to all charges. There is no doubt in my mind I am not putting my husband or my son from any more English than I’ve already cost. I guess now I just do the waiting game. I’ll get the police report and see what really happened I’ve never blacked out anger before I blacked out like that. I seriously think there may be something wrong maybe it wasn’t PMDD maybe it’s just me I’m not wired rightinervous about this whole thing I know and I will plead guilty to all charges. There is no doubt in my mind I am not putting my husband or my son from any more Anguish than I’ve already cost. I guess now I just do the waiting game. I’ll get the police report and see what really happened I’ve never blacked out anger before I blacked out like that. I seriously think there may be something wrong maybe it wasn’t PMDD maybe it’s just me I’m not wired right.