June 12, 2022 A letter to my Husband

… A growth of understanding follows an ascending spiral rather than a straight line. – Joanna Field

Letter’s Never Sent:

Dear Mike,

I am very dedicated to my sobriety and mental health in my recovery. My mental health I am working with a psychiatrist to address issues working with medication and therapy. And therapy I have been working on dialectical behavioral therapy and mindfulness.

I have not had a drink in almost nearing 60 days. I practice yoga and meditation several times a day through out the day. I have been dedicated following both programs, Decision Point and Camelback recovery. Camelback recovery I.O.P program is from nine to noon Monday Wednesday and Friday. I’ve asked and it is being allowed that I stay for nine more hours of programming. So my IOP plan is Monday and Wednesday from 9 AM to 3:30 PM and Thursdays from 12 to 2.

Since starting this journey I have completed and written a relapse prevention plan, which was approved by my therapist; as well as, rrad aloud to many of my peers, B. H. T.’s, caseworkers, and other therapist at Decision Point. I also have a ”Kendra’s (Idea) Repair Me Plan” that I worked on diligently daily, until I knew this was what I needed to accomplish to come back to the girl we both knew.

Along with the 12 step program I am reading Smart Recovery, BPR, and working through the recovery steps of Buddhism. Truthfully, I prefer ”Dharma Recovery.” it resonates with me. Especially, the intimacy and pureness of the Ideology. not one program trumps the other it just has to do with some thing you feel. I have read the “Big Book” as it’s called for Alcoholics Anonymous, it is an inspirational read.

I look forward to transferring Lowe’s to work there full-time until I can find a more suitable employment for myself.

I have a network of people and support from those I’ve befriended a Decision Point and here at Camel Back Recovery Sober Living

I would like to start to be able to work, go to meetings (that I actually want to and choose) to attend and the ability to look at apartments. However I am limited and there is no means of transportation.

I know you don’t trust me, nor do I blame you. I really would like to get back to doing things that I need to get done in order to finish the programs and the classes that I need to to come back to my loving family. I know your heart’s broken, as is mine… I’m sorry I broke a 6 foot five man and shattered my son. That is something that I have to live with every day whether we get back together and reunite as a family or not.

I am on many different anxiety medication’s because I’m having a really hard time understanding and believing how he destroyed my life and my family. I hope that you and Connor can someday forgive me and that in the meantime you both are doing well.

All of my love, all of my help, all of my joy will always be yours. You both will be in my heart forever. I know it doesn’t mean much now but I love you and I love Connor and I love the beautiful life that you provided and gave freely. Thank you my love. I think you forever.

Love,

Shannon

PS. I hope you’re having a wonderful and grand birthday, happy 53rd birthday my love.

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